- November 9th, 2010
So apparently, SPM is going to be in less than two weeks.
I don't think I'm ready. But then again, does anybody think they are in the face of this so-called life changing event? I'm scared of what's going to happen, during exams and post-exams. And the little time I have left in school really makes my heart break (though that's something I'll probably never tell).
I guess they're right. In the beginning of the year, we felt so grown up. As if being seniors in high school means being in the same league as mature adults. Now that we're here, almost crossing the line between school life and the unknown, we finally realize how small, how inexperienced we are compared to the teachers, parents etc.
How I wish I have the words to thank all those who have made me who I am today, but alas, when it comes to the moment that counts, words fail me. Those that matter have begun telling me how much they'll miss these times we shared; the laughter, the tears, everything in between. But I keep silent. Mostly because more than anything, I'm afraid I'll sound cheesy and just ruin everything.
But I do feel it. I do. I'm pretty stoic, and a darn good liar, but I'm not emotionless.
To T, I know we might tell you that you're a goody-goody two shoes and we tell you to toughen up a bit, but do realize that we're doing it not because we hate you for who you are. Rather, we love you, and we're scared that people are going to take advantage of you because you're so damn naive and unsuspecting. We lash out at you to make you stronger, and for those times when you're truly bothered and cried because of it, I'm terribly sorry. You're a gem, girl, and we love you for it. Never change.
To M, we haven't known each other long. Perhaps less than a year. But your companionship is something I value, and you can't possibly imagine how much I love the nights when we'd both exchange songs. You and your Arashi and me with my SHINee. Not to mention the frequent fangirling rants that no one but you can possibly understand. And I know sometimes our opinions might clash, but you're still open and accepting, and I love that about you.
To Syamox, I'm spelling it right this time around just to humor you, but you know I still prefer it better as Syamok. We do lots of crazy things together, and we've never fought. Probably because we share the same opinions and we're so much alike. I tell you things that I don't tell anyone else (though you probably don't notice) though sometimes, your constant indecision and your bottomless ego drives me up the wall. You're very blunt and honest, perhaps a bit too much, but I love you because of it. Because more than anything, there's never a friend that I can turn to for a more honest opinion.
To D, I still love you. :D
To A, words cannot possibly portray how much I treasure our friendship. You've stuck out with me the longest, and you've seen me through my best and my absolute worst. Maybe you're not the best place for advice, but I can never hope for someone better to simply listen. Because sometimes, that's the only thing I need, you know. You've put up with me through clashes and turmoils that I'm sure no one else could go through. Thank you for listening to my stupid philosophies, identity crisis and whatnot. You know things about me that I'm pretty sure I'll never tell anyone else, and you keep my deepest darkest secrets. I love you, perhaps more than words can ever say, and you're the absolute best friend I can ever have. I can never replace you, nor do I plan to.
This sounds sappy. So I'll just stop now.